Probaditas de Morelia

I know you aren't supposed to compare everything when you move to a new place, it annoys the locals and the insights are rarely interesting, but the state of Mexican ants can't be ignored.

Mexican ants are irresponsible drifters and maybe, just maybe, lethal super villains.

Now before you berate me with terms like NAFTA and globalization, let me explain. The ants I'm familiar with behave like good, obedient members of an organized colony. If there's a trail of ants in your house, you can be sure they've discovered food and are working hard collecting their bounty. Upon discovering these unwanted guests, one typically follows their trail to the point of entry and executes the dastardly deed upon the lot of them leaving a trail of little ant bodies after the smoke clears.

The ants in my apartment, on the other hand, defy all the ant logic I throw (shout) at them. They appear out of nowhere without a goal, destination, or discernible reason for being. There are no cookies on my ceiling. There is no watermelon in my dresser. And there is definitely no chicken on my bookshelf. And yet this is where I find them. I try to follow their trail to some source but I can't. I finally realized it isn't a path at all, but a circle. These ants are loitering! Just passing the time, hanging out, walking from one end of my bookshelf to the other. They are like the local hoodlums looking for trouble as they cruise the strip. And the worst part - they don't even care. They are totally irresponsible ants, drifting about from scenic wall to luxurious corner, blissfully ignoring the culinary needs of their hard working brethren.

I have no patience for this intrusion so I turn the Raid can on my wayward pets. But after the smoke clears I never find that trail of little black dots. Their little bodies just disappear. Poof - gone. And this little fact is what really worries me. What if they aren't dying at all, but instead limping off to recover in some dark, seedy ant hospital. With each shot of Raid becoming stronger and more radioactive. On top of this already perilous situation, my apartment is teeming with toxic fumes from my recent exploits with wood stain and a suspicious "paint thinner" that melts all things plastic.

Yes, maybe I'm a little paranoid, but with all the ingredients for superhero mayhem (radiation, creepy creatures, unsuspecting victim), it's easy to imagine being dragged off to my demise by some enormous, surly, super-ant. On the positive side, perhaps I will emerge from the encounter with super-ant powers of my own. An Ant-Boy of sorts. I can think of worse.

Antus Normulus
Likes: Working hard, carrying food scraps, long lines, appearing overnight en masse
Dislikes: Soap, water, Raid
Size: Small

Antus Mexicus
Likes: Appearing out of nowhere, loitering in small groups, my right stereo speaker.
Dislikes: Soap, water, Raid
Size: Small (but growing)

Antus Radioactivus
Likes: Committing evil, causing chaos
Dislikes: Kryptonite, capes
Size: Terrifying